


Through the Years

by NotWhoIAppearToBe



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: 5th Grade, 8th grade, Adulthood, Angst, Christmas, Kindergarten, Loss of Parents, Lost Love, M/M, Prom, Senior year, Suffer for Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 19:23:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotWhoIAppearToBe/pseuds/NotWhoIAppearToBe
Summary: The story was based on a prompt I received from a prompt generator: Ivar and Heahmund meet at the age of 5 years old on  the first day of kindergarten.I tweaked it to showcase various important parts of their lives as they grow up together. Rather than drag it out, I will be posting the story in it's entirety.
Relationships: Heahmund & Ivar (Vikings), Heahmund/Ivar
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	1. The Beginning

_ **Kindergarten** _

  


Clutching his mother’s hand, Heahmund stares with wide eyes at the bright and colorful classroom full of running and screaming kids. Moving forward, he waits quietly as she talks to the lady with the soft voice and kind eyes.

“Heahmund? Honey, this is Miss Lacey. You’re going to stay here with her today until mommy comes to pick you up ok? Don’t be nervous baby. It’s everyone’s first day. You’ll make friends and have fun.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything as she leaves and Miss Lacey shows him where to put his lunch and backpack. He is given the green alligator cubby but he can’t help but notice the red dragon next to his. Too bad it was taken. He’d have liked the red dragon.

Going to the carpet, he sits and tries to wait patiently but instead topples over when someone barrels into him. Both boys lay there stunned for a moment before the other one jumps right up laughing and looking down at Heahmund still laying on the carpet. Wide bright blue eyes stare into Heahmund’s icy ones.

“What’s wrong with you? Can’t you get up? I’m Ivar. You need to watch where you’re sitting and not get in my way.”

And just like that, he takes off leaving Heahmund stunned and glaring at him.

He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like Ivar or Kindergarten.

*************************

_ **5th Grade** _

Heahmund stifles a groan as he watches Ivar saunter into the classroom.

Ivar Ragnarsson had been the bane of his existence since Kindergarten. He’d endured that year with Ivar never shutting up, being a bully and just being a nuisance. Year after year they had ended up in the same class. Year after year Heahmund had observed as Ivar got in and out of trouble.

He was always accused but never caught. Heahmund didn’t understand it. Ivar was slippery and smart, easily able to talk himself out of trouble. It didn’t help that it was silently understood that no one (admins and teachers alike) wanted to have any unnecessary run-ins with his family and the kids knew all about Ivar’s big brothers. That being the case, Ivar could get away with murder and no one would stop him.

Last year had been a godsend when they’d been placed in different classes so he’d only ever seen him at recess and lunch. It looks like his luck had run out. He was going to have to endure another year with the Ivar the Terrible (his own private nickname for him).

He doesn’t bother to stifle a groan as Ivar sits next to him, placed there by the teacher. He knew why. Teachers ALWAYS put kids like Ivar next to quiet kids like Heahmund.

  
*************************

  


_ **Detention** _

“You’re a jerk, you know that?”

Heahmund was fuming. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Heahmund had been in the library at the same time Ivar had decided to play a prank on the librarian that had somehow gotten three shelves to collapse and the librarian ended up with a concussion. Ivar and Heahmund had both gotten trapped underneath the mountain of books; Ivar was laughing and Heahmund was rubbing his head and cursing. That’s how they had been found and while no one was surprised Ivar was the culprit, they had been shocked that Heahmund had been accomplice to it. Ivar didn’t help when he would only shrug when asked if Heahmund had helped him.

“What’s the matter? One detention and your good boy record is tarnished forever? Why are you such an ass kisser Bishop? Get the stick out and live a little.”

Heahmund didn’t even bother to deign him with a reply. A week of detention and no recess was punishment enough. It didn’t compare with the wrath from his parents and worse was having to spend this time with Ivar.

He groans at the thought of spending a week stuck with this maniac.

Could this school year please be over yet?

*************************

  


_ **8th Grade** _

It was weird to be back.

Walking the halls of the middle school was strange to him. Had it only been a month?

Heahmund trudges away from the office and to the first class on his schedule. He was a little late but it couldn’t have been helped. Adjusting his backpack, he keeps his head down as he opens the door to the class, refusing to raise his head as he gives the tardy slip to the teacher and ignoring the deafening silence that hit the room when he walked in.

He hears his teacher clear his throat as he sits in the back of the room where there’s an empty desk. He still refuses to look up. He knows some are staring at him either with pity or morbid curiosity. He won’t give anyone the satisfaction of watching him break.

As he’s taking out his materials, his pen drops and is swiftly picked up by someone else who holds it out to him. Shifting slightly to take it, he’s surprised to see it’s Ivar holding his pen, no traces of any expression on his face which he appreciated.

“Thanks.”

Ivar gives a slight nod and goes back to doodling in his own notebook, completely ignoring the lesson while Heahmund takes notes and tries focus and regain some sense of normalcy in his life.

*************************

_ **PE** _

It’s his last class of the day. One day down, only a few weeks left to go before this horrible school year would be over. At least running laps in PE gives him something to do and doesn’t let him think too much. He doesn’t think much of it when someone starts running next to him and it’s only when they’re on the second lap that he realizes it’s Ivar, keeping perfect pace with him but not speaking. He’s not sure what to think of it.

Ivar had never cared for him before. In fact, sometimes he went out of his way to make fun of Heahmund for being the good boy, having a stick up his ass and other unflattering names but twice in one day he had been…normal. Almost nice? Or was this a ruse? He didn’t know and frankly, he didn’t care. He wasn’t in the mood to play whatever game Ivar was playing.

As they finished their laps, Heahmund goes to the bleachers to sit, unsurprised to find Ivar walking next to him and then sitting by him. Whatever he was doing, Ivar’s presence was enough to assure that everyone else left him alone.

They sit in silence for a while, Heahmund just staring at the horizon, waiting for the warning bell to ring so PE can be over.

“I’m sorry about your parents Heahmund.”

Surprised, Heahmund looks over at Ivar, accepting the quiet sympathy over the loss of his parents the previous month in a fatal car accident.

“Thanks. Me too.”

Those are the only words they speak as they both quietly sit and wait for PE to be over. When the bell finally does ring, they go their separate ways to their own lockers to change out and get ready to go home.

*************************

  


_ **Last Day of School** _

It was a short day. That was the good and bad thing about the last day of school. Good because he had an entire summer off but bad because he didn’t really have a home anymore. Taken in by some distant relatives, Heahmund makes it a point to avoid being there unless it was to go to sleep. His aunt and uncle were an elderly childless couple. They weren’t unkind or mean or abusive. They just had not been prepared to take in a teenage boy and had it not been for some insurance money and a monthly stipend, they likely would have never agreed to this.

Most days, he spent his time in the public library doing his homework, reading and not returning home until it was almost dark. He’d go in quietly, get something to eat and go to the small room he’d been given. At least he had privacy. On weekends, he’d make himself scarce as well which they appreciated.

When the bell rings, he makes his way out the front gates of the school. As usual, he finds Ivar waiting for him by the flagpole. He wasn’t sure how they had evolved into this strange friendship they now had but it was one he appreciated.

What he didn’t know was that it was Ivar kept other students from asking him questions about the death of his parents.

For his part, Ivar wasn’t sure why he had done this. He had bullied Heahmund growing up but he remembered when he had heard that Heahmund’s parents had been killed, he had sat in his room and thought of him and though he didn’t understand why, he’d grieved for Heahmund. He couldn’t explain why he’d always been such a jerk to Heahmund. He’d wanted to be his friend when they were young but had not known how to express it so he’d done the only thing he knew how to do and that was fight.

None of that mattered anymore.

They walked together and just talked about their days, school rumors and gossip. They always kept their conversations to general subjects. Neither ever touched on more personal things. Ivar never pried about Heahmund’s current home life and Heahmund never offered any information but Ivar wasn’t stupid. He’d seen (and maybe he’d followed) Heahmund spend every day after school in parks or libraries, avoiding going home. What he didn’t understand was why. He wanted to know but knew better than to ask. As they reach the corner of the street where they go their separate ways, Ivar gets an idea.

“Hey. What are you doing tomorrow? Wanna celebrate that it’s summer? Let’s go to the movies and then hang out tomorrow.”

Heahmund looks at him in surprise before giving Ivar a slow smile. Ivar smiles back, realizing this is the first time he’s seen Heahmund genuinely smile and he’s glad that the sadness in his eyes is gone if only for a moment.

“Sure. I’ve got nothing else going.”

“Great! I’ll have my brother drive us. See you tomorrow at 4? Why don’t you bring a bag. Spend the night at my place. We can play tricks on my older brothers because they piss me off.”

Without waiting for a reply, Ivar walks in the direction of his house, looking forward to spending time with his friend Heahmund.

  
*************************

  


_ **Summer** _

  


Heahmund couldn’t believe the summer had flown by so fast. He had been dreading it when school let out but it turned out to be the best summer of his life. What was supposed to be a movie night and hanging out had turned into Heahmund practically living with the Ragnarsson’s. 

His parents often had despaired of Ivar and his never ending source of energy and rage but Heahmund seemed to assert some sort of calming influence over their youngest son so they encouraged him to spend as much time with Ivar as possible. Anything to keep him out of trouble and away from his brothers who were one more stunt away from tossing Ivar over the balcony of their home. 

They’d gone camping with the men in his family, fishing and though Ivar had whined and complained the entire time, his uncle Floki had taken them sailing on his new boat. The entire summer had been filled with trips, fun, activities and thanks to Ivar and one incident that they vowed never to speak of again, chores and manual labor around their house as punishment. 

Heahmund never asked if Ivar had told his family anything about him or his family but since they never once asked, he got the feeling they knew. Still, they never treated him with anything but kindness and he never felt as if he were a charity case to them.

It’s the last night before school starts and high school awaits them. They’re both nervous but excited. Heahmund was once again staying the night so they could start their first day of high school together. 

“What do you think? Are the rumors true about seniors and the hazing they put freshman through?”

Ivar’s brothers Hvitserk and Sigurd had tortured them all summer telling them stories about what happened to freshman at the hands of the seniors. Hvitserk was a senior and Ubbe a junior now and both had been relentless in their mocking. Though he wouldn’t admit it, Heahmund believed both of them were up to something and would use the opportunity to humiliate him and Ivar if they could.

“Nah. Maybe some but they won’t dare mess with us. Besides, look at us. We’re just as tall and strong as they are and we’re younger and better looking. They’d piss their pants before messing with us.”

This sets them both off laughing before they finally go to bed, eager for the next day. Heahmund lays on his makeshift bed on the other side of the room before he speaks softly, unsure if Ivar was already asleep or not but he had to get the words out.

“Ivar? I wanted to say thank you. After they died, everyone felt sorry for me. I saw the looks people gave me. The whispers when people thought I couldn’t hear them.You never did that and you never asked any questions so thank you.”

There’s silence for a while before Ivar gets out of his bed and goes to sit on the edge of Heahmund’s, nervously playing with the blanket.

“When I first heard, I didn’t believe it. But you didn’t come to school that day. Or the next. I looked for you but couldn’t find you. I went by your house and saw that it was empty and someone was putting up a For Sale sign in front of it. For a while, there were rumors that you’d been put in foster care. When you finally came back to school, I had to make things right between us.”

Heahmund sits up and places his head on his knees. He’d never meant to start this type of heartfelt conversation with Ivar and felt a little awkward but maybe this was the best time and place. The room was dark and only the glow of the moon filtering in through the half shut curtains gave the room any light. He could see nothing except Ivar’s silhouette.

“I was supposed to go to foster care but my aunt and uncle agreed to take me in. They’re alright Ivar. They just never wanted kids and if it weren’t for the insurance money, I’m not sure they would have agreed to keep me. I spend a lot of time out of the house because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?”

“Afraid that if I stay there with them and start to bother them or be a nuisance or a burden, they’ll change their mind and send me to foster care. I’d run away before I let that happen so I try to stay out of their way and only go home when it’s time to sleep. I clean and help with any chores they ask me to do and sometimes extra to show them I’m not a burden but I’m always afraid they’ll change their minds about me.”

“You’re not a burden Heahmund. And if they did change their minds, my parents wouldn’t let you go to foster care. You’d come live with us. I promise. Now get your ass to sleep or we’ll start freshman year looking like shit and we need to look our best to have the senior girls drooling over us.”

As he’d hoped, his words made Heahmund laugh. Giving him a light punch on the shoulder, Ivar returns to bed and waits for Heahmund to fall asleep. When he’s certain Heahmund is in a deep sleep, he quietly gets out of bed and leaves the room to go talk to his parents. It’s a long while before he returns, relieved that his promise to Heahmund wasn’t one he’d break in case his relatives decided to ditch him.


	2. And the World Shifts

_ **Senior Year - Prom** _

_ **   
** _

“Hurry up Ivar! It’s time to go!”

Adjusting his tuxedo, Heahmund felt awkward in it but Ivar had insisted it was a right of passage they couldn’t miss out.

Not for the first time did he wonder how and why he let Ivar talk him into these things. From trying out for the football team, to pranks, to school dances, if Ivar got in the mood to try something, he somehow managed to always convince Heahmund to do it with him. It was their senior prom and Ivar was going with his girlfriend Freydis while Heahmund was going with a friend who had asked him. Ivar had rolled his eyes and made a face but Heahmund had ignored him and accepted the request for a date to prom. It was better than going alone.

Ivar finally comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed and Heahmund can’t help but stare as Ivar stares back before grinning.

“We look like priests.”

“That’s right. Father Ivar and Father Heahmund. Now hurry your ass or the girls are going to be pissed we made them late for prom.”

Laughing, they make their way down the stairs as Ivar’s parents, brothers and their dates wait. They take the obligatory prom pictures both feeling stupid doing it but soon, they’re mercifully on their way to the dance. Four 17 year old teenagers laughing and looking forward to the night ahead.

Heahmund was a little nervous. Ivar and Freydis had been together a short while and he’d never asked if they’d had sex yet but he didn’t think they had or Ivar would have bragged to him about it. His own date had made it clear she was open to partying after prom privately with him. When he’d told Ivar, his maniacal friend had laughed and gone out and bought Heahmund condoms and would constantly stick them into his pockets or backpack or anywhere else he could find just to annoy and torture Heahmund a little.

“What are best friends for?”

That’s all Ivar could say when Heahmund had called him out on it.

The night progressed as planned. They’d danced, eaten, talked and had fun together. When the dance was over, Ivar had winked at Heahmund and looked meaningfully at his pocket. Blushing, Heahmund knew what he’d find there. Damn Ivar.

Still, he was thankful for it later that night when Ivar and Freydis had gone to post party elsewhere and Heahmund had left with his date.

  
*************************

_ **Graduation** _

  


Standing in their caps and gowns, Ivar and Heahmund wait in the line of graduates, both of them towards the front where the other Honor students marched first. 

He might be a jerk and scary towards other students but Ivar was smart and had spent his high school years causing trouble, playing football and somehow still keeping his grades high. Heahmund had played football with him, kept his grades up and kept Ivar from killing them both with his endless array of pranks and schemes that would normally have landed them in jail or worse.

“This is it Heahmund. In 2 hours, we’re on our own and ready to leave this dump behind.”

Slapping him on the back, Ivar bounces nervously from leg to leg.

“What’s the matter with you? Since when are you nervous about anything?”

“Nothing. I just want them to hurry up.”

Heahmund nods and wonders if this has anything to do with Freydis. Shortly after prom, Ivar had found out she’d been cheating on him. She wanted to be with him because of his name and status of his family. He’d broken things off and though he didn’t want to talk about it, Heahmund had stuck by his side just like Ivar had stuck with him all these years.

As their names are called, Heahmund smiles and laughs at the very obvious wink and loud cheer Ivar gives him when his name is called. He receives his diploma and goes to sit. When Ivar’s name is called, there’s a large section of people cheering along with Heahmund. Ivar walks solemnly, like a King ignoring his subjects. Heahmund can’t help but laugh at his antics but it’s not unexpected. When Ivar takes his seat next to Heahmund, he puts his arm around Ivar’s shoulders laughing.

“Can you ever take anything seriously?”

“Have we just met?”

Laughing together, they sit and crack jokes as the boring speeches are made and everyone yawns as they wait for the ceremony to be over.

Later that night, after the graduation party Ivar’s parents had thrown, Heahmund and Ivar were sitting in Ivar’s car. He’d given him a ride home but seemed reluctant to leave.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Hmmm? What’s up?”

Ivar fidgeted slightly before sighing and looking down at his hands. He wasn’t sure how Heahmund would take the news.

“I’m not going to state college with you this fall.”

Heahmund stared at Ivar, surprise on his face as he processed the news.

“What? Why? Did something happen?”

They’d planned this since their junior year. They had applied to the same colleges and requested to be roommates when they’d both received their acceptance letters. Heahmund had been looking forward to going away to college and knowing his best friend would be there with him made it easier to transition from the life he’d always known and into the next chapter of his life. Their lives.

On a sigh, Ivar blurted out his news.

“My dad is sending me to school in Norway where he went, where my uncles went and my brothers. It’s a family tradition I guess. I kept trying to get out of it but this is one battle I couldn’t fight him on. I leave at the end of summer.”

Heahmund’s mouth dropped open but he knew he had to accept it. Ivar came from an old and rich family. They had traditions and had high hopes for the youngest Ragnarsson. Those hopes did not include state school with the poor orphan. At least that’s what Heahmund thought.

“How long have you known?”

He couldn’t believe this had just happened overnight. He was still in shock, trying to process the news.

“Since spring break…”

“WHAT?! You’ve known for months and wait until now to tell me? Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I don’t know. I guess I kept hoping my dad would change his mind or something but it doesn’t work that way with him. But it’s ok. We’re still friends. We can still Skype or something…”

Even to his own ears, his words sounded lame. He felt guilty for not saying anything sooner to Heahmund. He felt really bad for giving him hope when deep down inside, he’d always known his father would win this battle.

Heahmund says nothing else as he stares blindly out the window. He was hurt but something else was stirring inside him that he didn’t want to explore. He just wanted to get out and get inside.

“Yeah. Skype. Email. Whatever. I should go.”

Opening the car door, he’s unprepared for Ivar pulling his jacket and turning him around. He’s even more stunned when Ivar kisses him, his lips soft but insistent against his, a brief touch of his tongue against Ivar’s. It doesn’t last long before both pull away, eyes wide at what had just happened. It is Ivar that finally breaks the silence.

“You need to go. Now.”

His hands are clenched on the steering wheel, white with how hard he’s holding it. 

Heahmund leaves the car as Ivar speeds away. He touches his fingers to his lips, still feeling the sensation of Ivar’s lips against his own. He slowly walks into his home, his thoughts racing. What had just happened? Ivar kissed him. And to be perfectly honest, he had not stopped him. He’d...liked it. Oh God. What was happening? Unable to sleep, that night, he texts Ivar. 

<text> Are you there?</end text>

<text>I’m not mad. Talk to me.</end text>

<text>Ivar? Don’t ignore me. We need to talk.</end text>

<text>Come on. This is stupid.</end text>

He finally gives up when he acknowledges that Ivar is stubborn as hell and will not respond to him until he wants to. It’s not until morning that he decides to go to Ivar’s house and talk to him in person. Ivar could be a sullen shit capable of freezing someone out but they were best friends. He could talk to him right? That kiss…

Heahmund couldn’t lie and tell himself it hadn’t meant anything because it had. He didn’t know what but it was something they needed to talk about. He’d never questioned his sexuality but began to wonder if there was a reason he’d avoided girlfriends and dating. Ivar had pushed him there but he also remembered how Ivar hated to hear about his dates and would often get moody when Heahmund went out. It made no sense though. Ivar dated as well though nothing serious. 

Driving to Ivar’s place in his little used car, he’s relieved when he arrives and sees Ivar’s mom outside. She smiles at him when she sees him. 

“Good morning Heahmund. What brings you by?”

“I wanted to talk to Ivar. He told me about his change of plans for college.”

He watched as Ivar’s mom suddenly looked awkward and fidgeted with the rings on her hands. 

“I’m sorry Heahmund. Ivar and his father flew out early this morning. Ivar will be spending the summer with family getting acclimated to life in Norway. It was last minute but Ivar got it into his head and with him fighting us so much on this, we didn’t question him when he said he wanted to leave immediately.”

Shock courses through his body. Ivar was gone. He’d left without saying goodbye. He’d left Heahmund without saying anything. 

He doesn’t know what to tell Ivar’s mom so he simply nods and walks back to his car and drives home. 

He spends most of the summer working, saving up every dollar to help him when school started. His scholarships covered most of his tuition but he still would need a part time job to be able to live in the dorms and eat. He tries hard not to think about Ivar and why he had suddenly frozen him out. 

*************************

College

When the fall quarter arrives, Heahmund leaves his relatives home for the last time and drives himself to college. It’s a 6 hour drive but it gives him time to think. He’d had not one word from Ivar. His cell phone was no longer in service which meant Ivar had likely changed the number and his emails bounced back as well. He had too much pride to reach out to Ivar’s family to ask them how to contact Ivar. When he tried to email him yet again and fails, he finally gives up.

He’s all alone again he reminds himself often. Being friends with Ivar had been an important reminder that inevitably, people left him behind for whatever reason. It was better for him to be alone. 

When he receives his dorm assignment, he’s partly relieved and partly sad that he has no roommate for the time being. 

That night, he sits on his bed, staring at the empty bed across the room where Ivar should have been. They’d had so many plans and hopes and now, they were gone. 

Heahmund had really only cried when his parents had died. Now alone at college with the memory of his former best friend who inexplicably left him without a backwards glance, Heahmund allowed himself to cry once more. 

The next morning, he begins to unpack his things but stops at the little box of random trinkets. Concert tickets he’d gone to with Ivar, pictures of them being stupid together, a small hand knife Ivar had given to him as a birthday gift when he’d turned 16, and all sorts of random little mementos. He was finished being sentimental. If Ivar could walk away from him without caring, so could he. He goes the big dumpster next to the dorms and looks once more at the box. He removes the small knife but throws away the rest. He tells himself he keeps the knife only because it’s practical and not because it was a gift from Ivar. 

Walking away from the trash, he returns to his dorm and continues to unpack and get ready for the first day of classes in a few days. 


	3. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we have reached the end for Ivar and Heahmund. My modern vision of them. I hope you liked it. If not, damn. If so, awesome!

_ **10 years later...** _

It was weird being back. Heahmund had left his hometown right after college graduation and never looked back. His relatives had occasionally reached out but they had as much interest in him as he had in them. Now he was back to settle their affairs, both having passed on recently and within weeks of each other. 

Their instructions had been simple. Cremation and their ashes to be interred together. All Heahmund had to do was settle their will and he’d be able to go back to the life he’d built for himself in Los Angeles. He figured he’d be in town for maybe a week before heading back to L.A. 

The reading of the will was simple. As he sat in the attorney’s office, he’s surprised to find that despite taking the insurance and monthly stipend for his care all those years, his aunt and uncle had never spent the money. It had been placed in a CD and accumulated interest all these years. The money was his now along with the small amount they had from their insurance as well as the settlement of their house once it sold. 

Leaving the attorney’s office, he stops by a local florist and buys some bouquets. He has one more visit to make that day before returning to his hotel. He doesn’t notice the man walking by the florist stopping and doing a double take as he sees Heahmund nor does he notice the man getting on his phone. By the time he’s finished, the man is gone. Heahmund gets into his rental and drives to the cemetery. His first stop is to pay his respects to his aunt and uncle. There had been some sort of distant affection between them but he would forever be grateful that they had taken him in. They could have said no and left him an orphan in foster care but they hadn’t. For that he would always remember and honor them.

He says a silent prayer for them before leaving the mausoleum and walking to his next destination. He came back every year at Christmas to visit and grieve and this year would be no different but he was here now.

Arriving at the grave of his parents, he lays down the bouquet and quietly grieves unaware of the car pulling up or the pair of blue eyes staring at him as he sits at their grave.

For the longest time, Ivar stares at Heahmund. It had been ten years since they’d last seen each other. Ten years since he’d walked away from Heahmund. He had a lot of regrets, mainly that he’d ended things the way he had between them. He owed Heahmund an explanation but he never knew what to say to him or if Heahmund would want to talk to him.

When he’d finished college, he’d finally returned home only to learn that Heahmund had never returned after he graduated. Over time, he found out that Heahmund had left the state entirely. He couldn’t help but feel guilty over it but didn’t know what to say if he even reached out.

He can’t pull it off any longer. Stepping out of his car, he walks up to where Heahmund is still sitting. He stops a few paces away, unsure of what to say. Heahmund’s voice breaks the silence.

“I wondered if I would ever see you again Ivar.”

Turning around, Heahmund’s eyes look directly into the ones of his former best friend. A small hint of a smile ghosts on his face.

“Cat got your tongue? You never were the silent type unless you changed dramatically over the past ten years.”

Tilting his head curiously, Heahmund continues to stare at Ivar who still hasn’t moved. Rising from his sitting position, Heahmund brushes his hands and nods before turning around.

“It was good to see you Ivar. Goodbye.”

He walks away and returns to his car, thinking perhaps it was best if he rushed the proceedings so he could return home sooner. His thoughts are interrupted by Ivar rushing up to him and pulling him by the arm.

“Heahmund. Wait. I’m sorry.”

Still not budging, Heahmund merely gives Ivar a cold look. Gone were the days where he’d stop everything for Ivar and listen to whatever bullshit rolled out of his mouth.

“You’re sorry? For what? For being a shitty best friend? For up and leaving without any explanation? For ignoring me for ten years? For kissing me? What exactly are you sorry for?”

Shaking Ivar’s hand off his arm, Heahmund gets into his car and drives away. He thought he was past all this and had moved on but clearly he wasn’t. He still was nursing hurt and anger towards Ivar for what had happened. The wound Ivar had inflicted on him had never healed. It still bled. For ten years, it had festered, never healing. Seeing Ivar again had ripped it wide open.

Returning to his hotel, he goes to the bar and orders a drink. One drink turns to two and then three when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he snorts out a laugh.

“Jesus Christ Ivar. What is it with you? For ten goddamn years I don’t hear from you and today, you’ve come after me twice. Do I owe you money or something?”

“Can we talk? Just let me explain. Hear me out and I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

“Fine. Pull up a seat. Talk.”

“Not here. Come with me?”

Groaning, Heahmund takes the last swallow of his drink and stands to follow Ivar. They walk slowly outside and to Ivar’s car. Getting in, he makes no comment or sound as Ivar drives. It’s only when they arrive that he recognizes where they’re at.

“Why the hell did you bring me here?”

Getting out of the car, he wanders to where it all began for them. He walks up to the bleachers, the same ones Ivar had once sat with him on after the death of his parents. 

Standing side by side, they look out over the track. Ivar finally breaks the silence between them.

“I was fucking scared Heahmund. I knew for the longest time I’d be leaving but I didn’t want to go. I tried so hard to get out of going. My dad finally asked me why I was afraid to go. Was it because I was afraid of leaving home or was it because I was afraid of leaving you? That stopped me because he was right. I was afraid to leave you. We’ve been a part of each other’s lives since we were kids. I cared for you but I needed to go. I should have told you and I know you’d have understood but I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what? If you’d have told me, it would have sucked but I’d have accepted it better than being brushed aside like I never mattered. And maybe I never did. It’s in the past Ivar. I forgive. Move on. Whatever. Are you done?”

He wasn’t budging an inch. For whatever reason, Heahmund would not and could not forgive Ivar. 

“Fuck you Heahmund. You don’t get it do you?”

“Obviously not. Why don’t you just spell it out for me so we can get this over with and both move on with our lives.”

“I was in love with you you fucking idiot.”

Heahmund’s mouth drops open in shock at Ivar’s admission. This was not what he had been expecting to hear.

“I wanted to be your friend when we were kids but didn’t know how. When we finally became friends, I realized some time in high school that I liked you but you were never into me or guys like that so I tried to convince myself I was ok with it and went out with girls because that’s what was expected. I hated hearing about your dates but like a good friend, I listened. Do you know how much it hurt to have to listen to you and pretend I was happy for you after prom? When my dad asked me about being afraid to leave you, I realized he already knew what I was in denial about. You. How I felt about you. Fuck Heahmund. Did you never realize or notice it? My entire family did. You seemed to be the only one who didn’t pick up on it. I kissed you because I had to know what it would feel like just once. I left because I knew I never had a chance with you and I needed to learn to live life without depending on you for my happiness. I needed to grow up. I fucked up. I should have at least said goodbye and explained it. I own my mistake there but try seeing it from my side. Would you be able to live with someone you’re in love with and keep it a secret? Because that’s what would have happened if I’d gone to school with you. I would have had to endure watching you date someone else, fall in love with someone else, have sex with someone else. I couldn’t do that Heahmund. Leaving you like that was the hardest thing I ever did but it was the right thing to do even if I messed it up. So I’m sorry.”

Ivar’s admission had rocked Heahmund to his core. So many emotions were going through him that he didn’t know what to say. He needed time to sort through his own thoughts and feelings about Ivar’s admission.   
“Ivar...I…”

“It’s ok Heahmund. You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to at least know why I left you the way that I did. For what it’s worth, it’s the single biggest regret of my life. Come on. I’ll drive you back to your hotel.”

The ride back is silent, both men processing what had been said. When they arrive back at the hotel, Ivar gives Heahmund a sad smile.

“I guess this is really goodbye now huh? At least I didn’t run. You have to give me credit this time.”

Heahmund leaves the car and gives a small wave to Ivar as he watches him drive away.

  
*************************

_ **Los Angeles** _

It had been two weeks since he’d left his hometown and returned to L.A. Two weeks since he’d said goodbye to Ivar for good. He should have been happy. He’d finally received closure and had returned to the life he’d so carefully built for himself yet he felt empty.

Something wasn’t right.

He’s sitting in his office overlooking the city, a sight he normally enjoyed but not today. Alone, he could finally admit why he was so unhappy. 

He missed Ivar.

God he missed him. He’d been so full of anger towards Ivar for all those years but since he’d returned to L.A., he’d had time to think. He had spent a lot of time remembering the happier times between them. The jokes, easy laughs and smiles, the friendships. Looking back, he began to see with clear eyes all the subtle moments he’d missed that clued him in that Ivar was starting to struggle with his feelings towards his best friend. How Ivar often ignored personal space around Heahmund. How he would sometimes put his hand on Heahmund’s neck for no reason other than because he felt like it. The flashes of annoyance after Heahmund had a date. The inexplicable silence after prom before he’d forced himself to smile and ask Heahmund for details.

God, had he really been that blind?

And where did that leave them now? Heahmund didn’t know. He thought about himself and his own life and relationships. He’d had no serious relationships in the ten years that had passed. He dated but always kept it casual. He would go long stretches without dating anyone, not because of lack of willing partners but because they just didn’t interest him. And the truth was, none of them were Ivar.

There. He’d finally admitted it.

Heahmund stands and stares out the window, pressing his forehead against the glass. 

He cared for Ivar. Maybe he had not known or realized it as early as Ivar had but there had always been a connection between them. A deep bond he had always attributed to having been best friends growing up. Only now, he was starting to realize it was more than that.

He needed to talk to Ivar.

Looking down at his phone, he knows he can call him. Slippery as always, Ivar had somehow slipped him his number just like he used to slip him condoms in high school.

No, a phone call wouldn’t do. He needed to do this in person. 

*************************

** _A New Beginning_ **

Ivar sat in his condo, comfortable in sweats as a light snow begins to fall outside. For the past few weeks, he’d kept to himself in his own heartsick misery. He was back to the beginning. How he had coped after leaving Heahmund for college. At least now he’d laid all the cards on the table. Heahmund had reacted exactly as Ivar had expected him to. None of that was a surprise but it still hurt.

Well, he’d managed to get through the last ten years without Heahmund, he could certainly get on with his life. His dark reverie was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. He grabs his wallet, pulling out some bills to pay for his pizza and is shocked to see Heahmund standing on the other side of his door, a pizza in one hand and a duffel bag in the other.

“Hey. Sorry. I intercepted the pizza guy and paid him for it already. Hope you don’t mind.”

Ivar just continues to stare, unsure of what to say or even why Heahmund was here.

“Can I come in?”

“Oh. Shit. Yeah. Sorry, you just caught me by surprise. Come on in.”

He takes the pizza from Heahmund and takes it to the kitchen. Inexplicably nervous, he rummages around for plates and beer.

As they sit to eat and drink, both wonder why they’re suddenly nervous around each other. It’s Heahmund who breaks the silence.

“I guess you’re wondering why I’m here.”

“Maybe. Yeah. Truth is I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“We have unfinished business.”

“We do?”

“There’s something I need to do.”

Heahmund stands and goes to the patio door and gazes out, watching the snow fall, gathering his courage to do what was next. One way or the other, he needed to now.

Worried and not a little nervous, Ivar goes to stand near Heahmund.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No. And that’s the problem.”

Ivar doesn’t get the chance to reply. Heahmund pulls him in and kisses him. This one is different than their first shy kiss in the car. That kiss had been tentative and soft. This was something else. This kiss was possessive. Surprised at first, Ivar is soon participating as eagerly as Heahmund, hungry to taste him, enjoying the groan emanating from Heahmund when he presses his body against his. 

When they finally break free from the kiss, both are breathless and stunned at how good it was. Heahmund touches his forehead to Ivar’s, eyes closed as he accepts that things will change between them and hopefully for the better. 

Ivar, still a little uncertain but hopeful grins. 

“Wanna sit on the couch, pretend to watch TV and make out?”

Laughing, Heahmund nods. Leave it to Ivar to know what to say to break the tension and ease the mood. Holding him by the waist, he kisses him again as they walk back to the couch and fall back on it. 

They never bother to turn on the TV. 

************************

_ **Christmas - One Year Later** _

Heahmund sits on the floor by the tree in a slight daze. Wrapping paper, bows and gifts are strewn all over the floor as one very excited puppy wrestles and tears more paper before diving back beneath the tree. He quickly reaches in and pulls the puppy out, laughing as it starts to lick him. He hears Ivar come in, relaxed and smiling in a way he rarely allows himself to be around people. 

“What do you think?”

Heahmund laughs and holds the puppy to his face as it licks his face before he puts him down again to attack the presents.

“I think you did well and thank you but you do realize the timing is going to be tricky.”

“I have it taken care of. Hvitserk agreed to watch him for us while we’re gone.”

Nodding, Heahmund smiles at Ivar and reaches out to hold Ivar’s hand, both their eyes on the bands on their fingers, shiny and new and full of the vows and promises they’d made to each other the day before.

Raising his eyes to Ivar’s, Heahmund leans in to give him a soft kiss before he pulls away. 

“We’re packed and ready. Our flight isn’t until later. We have time…”

Eyes gleaming, Ivar gladly passes the time with Heahmund as the puppy stops briefly to stare at them before jumping back in to attack the tree as Ivar and Heahmund blissfully ignore the mess he’s making.


End file.
